My daughter’s wedding is going to be a tapestry of color. She’s marrying a black man. Their friends are black and white and biracial and to all of them, the whole interracial thing is no big deal (NBD). This generation, at least this group of young people, seem color blind. They accept each other for who they are as human beings rather than what color their skin is. Frankly, I find it so refreshing that it’s NBD to them.
What I do find disturbing is that it ISa big deal to other people. I guess I’m not sure what their issue is since they are not in the relationship. I warned my daughter that there are people out in the world who do not accept interracial relationships; people who can be hostile and mean – just based on their own prejudices. I told her she would need to learn how to let their inane comments or outright stupidity roll off her back. Ignore it, I said. Just ignore it.
I guess I need to learn how to take my own advice…because I have experienced some serious shock at the reactions of some of the people around me. Sometimes I even amaze myself at my Pollyanna view of the world. I had assumed that people were past that. But they are not. Racial prejudice still exists but it is underground, only rearing its nasty ugliness when someone feels a personal connection in which they feel threatened in some way.
I have always been the rogue progressive (or often referred to as that poor liberal) in my family and among my friends. I’m okay with that. My deeply held beliefs and values coincide with those social progressive ideals. I’m not out to change their views. I know they cannot change mine. So we mostly do not discuss social, political or religious topics. But when some discover that my daughter’s fiance is black, there is the cocked eyebrow, the grimace, or the outright question about what I think about it. What do I think about it? I think it’s GREAT that my daughter has found such a wonderful man who loves and cherishes her. That’s what I think.
Now I want to make it very clear that my family members have welcomed my future son-in-law with open arms. Well, at least those family members who have met him. When my daughter took her fiance up to a rural part of the state to meet many of my side of the family, things went very well. He felt right at home and they created a welcoming atmosphere. He also had the opportunity to meet my daughter’s older brother who lives in South Carolina. He was up visiting friends and she was excited to introduce them to each other – the two most important men in her life. And I’m so happy to report that her brother was impressed with his future brother-in-law.
But I am so sad to report that my daughter’s father is not so happy about her choice of a life partner or the fact that she is getting married. He has been downright rude. She had even introduced the two of them to each other months ago when he was down here for a visit. But it didn’t matter. When she called to tell her dad the news of her engagement, she anticipated that he would not be supportive. She was right. She called him and put him on speakerphone so I could hear what he said when she told him. Let’s just say it was a hurtful reaction that made her cry…and the stupid man did not even get it that he would NEVER get that moment back. Now he is in and out of denial about it. He pretends my daughter’s fiance doesn’t exist by not asking her about him or the wedding plans.
Interestingly, my daughter’s older brother has a son of his own plus two adopted sons – one who is biracial and the other who is black. Her father struggles with that as well – having grandchildren of several colors…but it is his loss as all of those boys are adorable and will play some role in the wedding.
It is my fervent wish that anyone, anyone – family or friend – who receives an invitation to this wedding who is uncomfortable being around people of various shades of color, opt not to attend because there will be 150 black, white and biracial people in attendance. PLUS there will be Jewish people and gay people! Perhaps there will be a previously planned vacation to the beach or the mountains. Maybe it’ll be another contrived excuse. I’m okay with that because I am not interested in having people with prejudicial issues at this wedding.
To me it ISa BFD that there is prejudice that hurts people; people, for the most part, that are not known by those who carry such hatred. Please keep your narrow little minds, your ignorance, at home.
Kim said,
August 16, 2009 at 10:11 am
Ginny, I had enjoyed reading your first couple of blog entries, then our modem went kablooey and we were without internet. So, I logged onto your blog today and start off with this posting! I just wish I could hug you, give you a couple pats on the back, and ask you what got your knickers in such a twist?! I have so much to say in response to this posting that I should probably send you an email instead. That’ll have to wait until later, but for now, just know that those of us who love you and Mariah just want to support her and her happiness………however, you didn’t get to this point in your life without knowing that the world isn’t always a warm, fuzzy, fair and without prejudice place to try to find our way! I think someone riled the momma bear!!! Watch out! Now I’m feeling like I shouldn’t post this cause I’m gonna be judged in some way! Anyway, keep on bloggin’ and I’ll try not to send anymore 10,000 word comments, but with this one I could just feel your emotions so strongly that I wanted to respond, although electronically is flawed social interaction! Tell that to these young people with all their technology – it’s not always for the best that we depend on all these gadgets! (Don’t I sound like an old fuddy-duddy! I yam what I yam!)
NR said,
August 24, 2009 at 11:40 am
How absolutely narrow are folks who can’t enjoy the “shades” — that are so fixated on a solid color that they miss all the variances around them! This blending of colors is what brings out beauty that can take your breath away in a way a “pure,” solid color never could. And, of course, I’m not just talking about skin color. Unfortunately, many folks on all sides miss out on this and that’s just fact. In the meantime, just brush off the nastiness and know that both Mariah and Terrell are blessed to have each other, and you’re adding a wonderful son to your family. You know, you just can’t fix “stupid”!