Thebridesmom's Blog

I’m trying to get used to being alone now. It’s a strange feeling after having my daughter almost constantly with me for 19 1/2 years. I used to celebrate the time alone I would get when she’d visit her dad on occasion or sleep over at a friend’s house. I LOVE alone time…or I used to. It must be the contrast of having someone constantly with you, who is dependent on you for almost everything, that makes the alone times so, well..wonderful. Because now, with her fiance in the picture, I have so much more alone time that it’s becoming less wonderful. I now treasure the time I get to spend with my daughter.

I guess it’s the empty nest thing that all parents go through when their kids go off to college or just move out. I know the 19 1/2 years I invested as  parent gives my daughter roots. I talked about this in an earlier post, how important it is to have that connection, that anchor in me as her mom. I think the harder part, for me at least, is giving her the wings to fly away.

I think giving wings to your child is an unselfish act. Part of me wants to do the happy dance as I watch her move on with her life…celebrating her freedom…and mine. But I have to confess that part of me is sad that she is leaving because it means I have to find my own life…again. I know I used to have one before she was born…but it was so long ago, I’m not sure I remember how to do this. I know it would be easier to stay over-involved in her life, using her life as a substitute for mine. I’ve seen other parents do this. I’m guessing it’s because it is scary to create a new life apart from what you have known for almost 20 years. It’s even scarier when you find yourself alone…

So, I am giving my daughter her wings and while I am at it, I’m giving myself a pair. We are both starting new lives kowing that in each other we find our roots. We can fly in different directions, creating lives that touch frequently but are independent. I’m sure I can find the wonderful in alone again…for a time. I’m sure my wings will take me to new places where I will meet new people and, who knows…maybe create a new relationship to share the rest of my life.

Only time will tell…